LOST: Perfectly good job-provided self esteem, good pay and friendship. Last seen in Long Beach, Ca in December 2009. Please call if found-(It's definitely not in Hawaii.)
Have I mentioned I really hate my new job? I think my disenchantment with this island mostly has to do with my disdain for my job. I used to love what I did for a living. I used to feel like I made a difference. Since I moved to Hawaii I've been doing what respiratory therapists refer to as "floor work". Now I don't mean to belittle the importance of taking care of moderately ill patients, there is value in this kind of work too-but I am used to working with critically ill patients, patients who are relying on me to keep them breathing. I am also used to having a certain level of interaction with doctors and nurses who respect respiratory therapists. I was really excited to start my new job, I had been missing working so much. Back home I got so much satisfaction from my job and the first few months in Hawaii had been so rough on us that going back to work meant that I would get at least some normalcy back in my life. I knew going in that my last job was pretty cushy-we had a great crew, the RN's were good, really good and the docs loved the RT's. We made decisions for patients as a team, we worked as a team-kids got better because of our team. Sadly I am not finding that to be the same situation at my new job. I am also totally frustrated with how far behind their medical pratices are here in Hawaii. I see so many opportunities for this place to try something new, I keep suggesting new methods of therapies-but it all falls on deaf ears. They are so attached to their old school ways here. The docs have zero respect for RT's and the RN's are even worse. The RT's here are constantly talking about how cut throat the department is, how one mistake can cost you your job-there is a total lack of trust among these guys. And to make matters worse I am not a "local" - so they are automatically suspicious of me. So I have been working "floors"-bored out of my mind. To ease childcare issues, I am working nights-7pm-7am-staying awake and fighting off the boredom is killing me!
Yes, I know I am complaining-really I should be happy to have a job. Most of the wives I have met over here have all said that they looked months for a job and if they found employment it was usually a low-paying job. I am struggling with the realization that my self worth is no longer to be found in my profession. I didn't realize that so much of my self esteem came from my job. Being good at what I did really got me through some rough times in the past. It gave me a chip on my shoulder and swing in my step. Without that boost I admit I haven't been myself-some days are better than others-usually on the days I work I am just so darn grumpy. Even I am sick of me lately . I have come to the conclusion that my career is never going to get back on track and maybe I should go back to school to try get my Masters in a different field. I have lost my work mojo. *sigh*