6.30.2010

Attitude Adjustment Needed

The last few weeks have been rocky. Blogger block has really set in too, so I haven't had an outlet to vent my silly frustrations and that has definitely made matters worse. It's all ended up dumped on my mostly innocent family. (mostly is the key word there) Epic, I mean EPIC fail on my part-I have been ugly on the inside and out. My issues really are just about as pathetic as it gets, I admit it-there are many worse things that could happen to me. What it really boils down to is the sheer quantity of hits I have been taking not necessarily the quality. So here goes a monster rant -get ready it's a doozy. I'm working entirely too much, I never see my kids and my husband. Last week I worked 4 shifts from 1900-0730. When I am home I am so dropped dead tired from being up all night I usually fall asleep still in scrubs at the kitchen table in a failed attempt to catch up with my kids. I have gained a whopping 15lbs since I arrived in Hawaii and I can't even stay awake long enough to think about working out. Don't even get me started on the sad state of affairs my household is in. There really is a couch under all that laundry, I swear. The Army has failed to pay us correctly in 3 months now, in fact our paycheck on Friday will be all of $26.00. Our once healthy savings account is now looking Ethiopian. I need my eyebrows done, I need a hair cut, I need a pedicure-- I need some sanity. And here is what is really messing with my head--we have friends who happen to live across the street from us. They arrived in Hawaii a week before us, she is active duty and he is an RN. They have a daughter who is close in age to our son's age. Nice people. They seem happy as puppies here. God bless them-they are loving life in Hawaii. Every time we see them it's like life just gets better and better for them. WTF? WTF? Seriously, what's the deal people? What am I missing here? It's not that I am jealous, really. I have always maintained the theory it's much better to have happy successful friends than friends that are well, losers. So I am truly happy that they are happy. I am developing a serious complex here though-what the hell is wrong with me that I just can't pull myself up outta this funk and enjoy what I DO have? They seem to be doing this quite easily. I am sure that these dear people have bad days too-- so why am I harping on the negative and not thriving on the positive? Why am I letting life beat me down while these guys are managing to live in the moment? I have lost my perpetual ability to look at the bright side and it sucks. I need a serious attitude adjustment.

7 comments:

  1. You'll get out of your funk. I've been there..and sometimes I sink back into it. Just keep ranting and you will be ok :) I hear ya on the jealousy stuff, I was just talking to Danny about it last night actually. If you need to chat, I'm here!

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  2. I relate to this post more than I'd care to admit - I always tend to see the negative before the positive. And yet, I too see people who are likely under the same amount of stress I am that act happy as clams. I'm always wondering where I can get that kool-aid...

    XO
    Carly

    All this is Grace and Charm
    http://allthisgraceandcharm.blogspot.com

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  3. I know the feeling! I don't think you are necessarily being negative, just worn out. Some people get tired and frustrated with a lot going on and when things don't go their way (believe me, I'm exactly like that sometimes) and it's good to rant and let it out. Take a deep breath and everything will work itself out!

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  4. I just saw the pics you put up for Father's Day and totally recognize the school in the background of one of the photos. Do you guys live in Hawaii? We just moved to CO from Hawaii. I worked at Wahiawa Elem and Helemano Elem. Love your pics by the way! Thanks for following my blog!

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  5. I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Just wanted to say hang in there. I hate it when I'm in funks like this. I don't know how you can keep up with that schedule of yours...that's enough to drive anyone crazy.

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  6. You don't need an attitude adjustment, you need a freking break. As in look up to the sky and say, "Hey!! Give me a freaking break!!". Seriously, I feel you on the pay issue. Ours has been a HOT mess and in the military it's rarely your fault but you definitely pay the price. I just had a friend stop by as I entered my 200th straight hour (or so it feels like) of doing massive amounts of schoolwork so I won't fall too behind when I get my wisdom teeth pulled. Anyway, she's so clean and always so organized and I could FEEL her judging my disaster house. I offered her a seat...there was pizza on it. I feel so frazzled and overwhelmed and it's not ME. It's my situation. So don't go self-blaming. It's not you. And it WILL pass. No lie!

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  7. Hi,

    I really like your blog. I am a casting director for a docu-reality series sponsored by the USO about military families with loved ones stationed overseas. I'd love if you would submit to be on the show. If you, or someone else you know, might like to be on the series, or if you just want some more information please go to WWW.ROADTOREUNION.COM

    We are really trying to show the sacrifice, loyalty, and courage it takes to be a military family and can use your help.

    Thanks!
    Chris

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Go ahead and lie to me.....Just make sure you're nice