4.30.2010

Settling In and Settling Down (AKA-accepting what I cannot change-with grace)

We planned on getting orders to Hawaii, we planned on it even before we got married. We vacationed here, we looked at houses, schools, job prospects-all of it. I thought I was prepared, (being an Army wife -by nature- I tend to "over" prepare, if that's possible) However, I was definitely not prepared for living in a hotel for 2 months with our 11 year old and 18 month old. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I can only describe it as hell. Hormones, sleepless nights, lack of "alone time" eventually wore me down. And for sometime now I have been anti-Army, anti-Hawaii and basically a negative bitter person. Monsoon season hit, coincidentally, at the same time. It's almost May, we arrived here on December 29th-so 5 months later, the sun is shining a little brighter and so is my attitude. Although neither weather or my attitude are predictable on this island, so I reserve the right to complain at any time.
We moved into a fairly nice house on post, after some haggling with the housing office, at the end February. Army housing isn't what it used to be, let me tell you. While our housing assistant told us we would only qualify for a 3 bedroom home due to our family size, it seems that the rule did apply to our neighbors with similar family sizes. Being innovative by nature (it's a military thing) we converted our garage into a family room. And since I don't mind bragging, it's looks pretty freaking awesome. We scored a deal on a some rad bright orange carpet and put up posters of our favorite bands. With that extra space that house feels much bigger and I am not bitter about being shorted an extra bedroom. Our current project is the back and front yard. You may wonder why we put so much effort into a place we will only be living in for such a short period, I can only say that in the past (way past) living like a gypsy-never fully unpacking-made my mental health status poor. I need a space where I feel secure and at home. With that being said and the house taking shape, my perpetual sour mood is getting much better. Most days I reserve my crappy-"i-hate- this-stupid-island-and-all-Hawaiians" for before or after my shifts at my new job.
In the weeks leading up to our move to Hawaii I worried mostly for my son, moving him from his grandparents, his school, his friends seemed cruel. He however LOVES it here. And really what isn't to love, he only has school 3 1/2 days a week, the neighborhood is crawling with kids and when his behavior is good - he gets free reign over the post. He has a walkie talkie and bike-(see ya later, kid-come home when the street lights come on) I consider myself a good parent(no rhetoric from the peanut gallery please)-this concept may have offended my better judgment back home-I'm sure I'm still recovering from being stuck in the hotel with him for so long, or maybe I actually feel secure letting him roam this post. So far, he has behaved well on his own, so I'm sticking with it.
For the moment being I feel like I can breathe-possibly relax-for awhile. After the last few months- I think I deserve it. I really would love to love it here, but I don't-I think I'm just over complaining about it. (My husband would love this-he has managed to field every complaint with a smile and a hug for 5 months now-Buddha bless him) I'm reserving my really nasty attitude for next spring when my husband deploys. Enjoy the sunshine now, kids-ahahahahahahaha.

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